6 Reasons Your Glasses Take the Fun Outta Theme Parks
Let’s start by acknowledging that theme parks are complicated experiences. On the one hand, there’s something about letting your body be whipped around in a tiny cart at extreme speeds wearing a questionable seatbelt that is simply exhilarating. Mama’s gotta get her fix somehow.
On the other hand, there are huge crowds of people who have no idea where they’re going, everything is sticky, and no matter how lame the ride is, they all have painfully long lines.
However, should you find yourself in one of these part-horrid, part-thrilling establishments this summer, do it big! (i.e. funnel cake) Though if you wear glasses, you’re in for an especially wild ride. Not in a good way.
1. You could lose them on a roller coaster
Even with that dorky glasses string thing around your neck (yes, I know it has a name (croakie), and yes, I know some people think they’re cool) there’s no guarantee your glasses survive the loops and corkscrews of your favorite ride. So you’re choosing between risking it and being able to see, or going blind for the ride — both are their own kind of added thrill, with way more to lose than gain.
2. Glasses on glasses on glasses on glasses
You’re going to be in the sun, a lot. And wearing sunglasses over glasses is both uncomfortable and unfun. Plus, that’s just one more thing to lose.
3. Ditto for “virtual rides”
It seems more and more roller coasters these days don’t actually have tracks, so you’re having this 3D (or “4D”—bleh) experience and now you’re expected to wear 3D glasses for every ride! Wearing 3D glasses over regular glasses is a pain (sometimes literally) just to enjoy a ride!
4. Smudges in the sun
The aforementioned stickiness may make its way to your glasses and smudges always look worse out in the sun. Assuming you didn’t want to bulk up your pants with lens cleaner, you’re living with that cotton candy sugar smear over your eyes for the rest of the day.
5. Don’t trust the ride attendant
You know those people running the rides? They’re teenagers. Do not trust teenagers to keep an eye on your glasses while you’re on the ride. They are busy on their phones swiping up to catch monsters or swiping right to catch dates. They have priorities above watching your glasses, which may get lost or broken in the meantime.
6. Log rides will be a splashtastic disaster
If your glasses actually stay on your face, they’re going to get wet. And invariably, the log rides are also the rides that take pictures of you, so you’ll see all those beads of water obscuring your beautiful eyes. Not cool.
If you have thrill-seeking on your summer schedule, consider leaving the glasses behind. Glasses are an unwelcome companion during a day at the amusement park, but they’re also a pain for a bunch of other fun summer activities. If you haven’t thought about it in a long time, maybe it’s time to reconsider the vision correction solution without the hassles of contacts and glasses, LASIK.
